Posted : Tuesday, Jul 21, 2020 at 1:58am
Getting Back to it
The Dull Process
TAKING A BREAK
As much as we can try and imagine that this is true, our lives are not movies. None of the epic moments in our lives have epic music in the background. We just live through each day and in most cases today is a lot like yesterday and tomorrow will probably be a lot like today. Seasons change but not every day. As such we are the only ones who determine what a day or period in our lives actually means.
Our lives are very routine-based; it is a means for us to feel in control of our lives. When one has a pursuit or passion, often one is filled with so much energy to do that thing over and over again. In my own case, this would be a period in which I am able to write, each and every day.
Honestly for most of the time in which I have been writing, writers block was just a concept which was foreign to me. Not just writers block but the whole structure of living a relatively balanced life. Having the balance that allows you to do many things has always been my thing. I have always just had a lot on my plate because I personally enjoy being in the process of creating things and working on projects that have the potential to make an impact.
However as stated already, life has seasons and I guess I just hit my down season. I got to a point where I had to choose only one thing to pursue, whilst leaving everything else behind. It was the choice to have tunnel vision and pursue only one achievement. As such the first lesson that I have had to learn is one on sacrifice.
As much as the concept of sacrifice is often given a cover of nobility, the whole notion of letting go in order to receive more in the future, is often a lacklustre experience. Sometimes you aren’t actually letting go of anything, you have just put things on pause.
THE FALLACY OF A GRAND RETURN
Now when you are in your ‘break’, often times you are thinking about your return. You slowly begin to cultivate the drive to do what you used to do. You find yourself working on the now but the later seems like a paradise waiting for you. Bit by bit you regain your confidence and with it the illusion of a grand return. The best imagery I can put to this, is that of a surprise return by a wrestler, the crowd just goes crazy. Even if they hated the character they are joyous that this person is back, they are waiting to see the person perform once again. However like the movie allegory, often there isn’t a crowd to cheer you on in life. There is no one waiting for you to start over.
Now again if you have ever participated in any sports and found yourself injured, you may return with praise because of the reputation you created before. Yet the one thing that many encounter is that your body doesn’t operate in the way it did before. In your time away, you may still have the experience mentally but your body is now a few levels lower. You once again have to work your way up. This is just an analogy but I feel this is one way to express the fallacy of a grand return.
One often has to start from scratch, you left when you were top of your game but when you were gone, things just continued, the climate has changed and this is something you may have not accounted for. When you return the system has already upgraded 3 times. Therefore now you have a new mountain to climb and worse of all you have your own mind to go against. This is one period in which you could start doubting yourself; however with some conviction you can get back to the top of your game (This is somewhat of a blanket statement).
SO WHERE TO BEGIN?
The overall point of this text is that growth is often a dull process. If you are easily bored by the process of trying to work towards something, then you will find yourself starting over, again and again. You build a routine for yourself and as such your days will start to look the same. This is why there are terms like ‘trust the process’ because the process doesn’t make sense. When you go back to being at the bottom, you often forget what it was going up the ladder. You are now full of complaints because you have already seen the Promised Land. You are no longer used to not getting special treatment but this is your process. (Trust the process is so overused now, low key starting to become overrated but that’s a story for another day).
Essentially, yet another dull phrase, you have to begin at the beginning. It is back to the starting line, your imaginary crowd has forgotten about you. There is a new flavour of the month. There is a new culture. Most of all, you are still here, you are still full of potential but now it is coupled with experience. Things won’t be as fluid as they used to be but you can work your way back to that point.
Restarting isn’t easy, but giving up is worse.